98th Entry Halton Apprentices

Now that is what I call a very stupid sign. In letters to the editor yesterday in the Telegraph a writer says ” There is a sign on Dorchester bypass that says: ‘Sign not in use’. Yep, I’m sure there is madam and the photo above shows another just like it - I think it is all to do with the budget cuts - signs taken out of use are cheaper to maintain.

Below are two more signs that are making life easier for the motorist and Seagulls.

The Duty Solicitor was on his feet offering mitigation for his small, scruffy client, who sat in the dock giving shifty glances around the courtroom. “I am pleased to say, sir, that Mr.Jones is getting on well with his community sentence, and that he has obtained employment. He is to start work next Monday as a Recycling Executive”.

When I heard this I was forced to put my head down and shuffle some papers and then take a sip of water. Firstly to cover up my amusement at the job description (I think it means working in a scrapyard), and secondly to hide my surprise that solicitors continue to have the front to say that his client has a job starting on Monday - one of the most tired old clichés in the book.

One day, a lawyer will stand in front of the bench and tell us that his client started a job last Monday; then I really will be surprised.

Following on from Mike’s speed cameras, here’s another ‘confession’ on road traffic fines from Spain. What’s the betting this applies in UK as well?

Traffic Guardia Civil are to be awarded points leading to a bonus payment for giving fines

The plan comes in response to an alleged work to rule being carried out by the traffic police.

Spain’s traffic Guardia are, from this month, being assessed for the number of fines they issue. The group which represents them, the AUGG, claims the move is an attempt to stop their so called ‘dropped ball point pen strike’ which has seen a recent sharp reduction in the number of fines being issued, allegedly in action in protest at a cut in wages.

Now the agents get two points for every fine they award and four when there is an infraction involving the illegal transport of people or goods. Nine points are awarded for a positive breathalyser test, two for attending an accident, and one for providing help on the road.

National newspaper, El País prints the details which come from an internal note.

It’s thought that a 150 € bonus for the agents will become dependent on them gaining enough points.

Latest figures show that only 58,000 fines were issued in June this year, while 188,000 were issued in the same month last year.

The Guardia agents’ association notes that despite the fall in the number of fines issued in May and June the number of fatalities on the roads was down 13% on last year. They say this shows that traffic fines are used to raise funds, but they have no effect on the number of accidents.

Back again after a busy but interesting few days in London. This is what grabbed my attention while reading the paper on the train travelling back to Donny. I have always believed that the main function of speed cameras’ is to raise revenue. It is simply a way of taking money from the public. I suspect most people also believe that to be the case.

Yet here we are with a story in the Sunday Times that declared speed cameras are to be ‘axed’ to ‘er’ save money!

It must be one or the other, they can’t both be right - can they?

I am very busy for a few days so blogging will be very slack for the next day or two. I’ll get back as soon as I can.

The other day I needed to go to accident and emergency. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on an old RAF uniform shirt and stuck a patch onto the front that I had downloaded off the Internet. When I went into the A&E, I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren’t that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here’s the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you’re in need of quicker emergency service.

It also works at DSS. It saved me 5 hours. At the Laundry, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running. Don’t try it at McDonald’s though….. The whole crew got up and left, and l never got my order…

What is going on? A Gurkha cuts off the head of an enemy Taliban fighter to enable ID back at base. Now he is being threatened with courts martial! Don’t people know that is what Gurkhas do? I had no idea dead Muslim troops were supposed to be buried intact and I don’t suppose the Gurkha did either. We poured hundreds of them into holes in the ground in 1991 with bits missing and nobody complained then - especially Muslims! Lets get real guys - this is bloody war.

Tim was at school today and the teacher asked all the kids what their Dads did for a job.All the Kids yelled Fireman, chippy, plumber etc….

But little Timothy kept his mouth shut - so the teacher asked him ‘Tim what does your father do for a job?’
“My dad dances in a gay club and takes of his clothes for the men.

If they pay enough, he will go out with a man, rent a hotel room and sleep with them.”

The teacher sent the other kids out to lunch and took Tim aside to ask?

Is that true?

‘No’ said Tim “He plays football for England, but I was too embarrassed to say.

Originally from Ivan and sent in by Bernie - many thanks folks

In addition to the media pressure to have a new investigation into the murder death of Dr. David Kelly it might also be an idea to dig up the late Robin Cook, who didn’t last very long on this mortal coil after resigning from government in protest over the illegal Iraq invasion. Stranger things have happened!

No wonder Lord Goldsmith decided that a change to his professional opinion about the legality of the war was a better option than a walk in the woods! 

There is a lot being written in the news lately about prisons and alternative sentences. For a change, here is a more light hearted court experience that always makes me smile when I am reminded about it. A young offender was sitting meekly in court as if ‘butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth’. Sitting behind him was his mother who was clearly keeping a very close eye on the proceedings.

As each charge was read out by the clerk of the court the young lad pleaded ‘not guilty’ to every misdemeanour. Until that is, he denied the theft of a pair of training shoes, at which point his mother leant forward and struck her son violently across the back of the head and shouted “You ‘ave’ to plead guilty to taking those you bloody fool ‘cos’ you’re wearing them!”

A mothers love knows no bounds!